Starting next week, and for the foreseeable future, we’re changing the start/end times of the evening parties to 7PM-11PM (doors 10PM). They’re being shifted to one hour earlier, for the start and end times, as well as the doors-closed time. This ought to bring more of the guys who come straight from work, and not have traffic in the building after 11PM.
We're also having Friday Happy Hours every Friday, and they will remain 5PM-8PM.
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There’s been a trend of the FUSION and ERUPTION parties being very well attended, but a drop in attendance for the PEAK (safe sex) parties. ERUPTION is bareback and FUSION is for both safers and BBers.
I can’t definitively determine why this has been a trend, but I believe it may have to do with the advent of the drug, PrEP, which is essentially a drug which claims to kill the HIV virus upon exposure.
Please know that I’m not hereby advocating its use or not to use it, but more and more gay men are on it. This may be leading guys to take more of a risk. Again, I’m not stating this, definitively; I’m not qualified.
But because the safe PEAK parties I host have been in somewhat of a decline, and the others have been gaining more participants, I’ve decided to make all the parties non-descript, in that they won’t be billed as safe or bareback, per se, but all inclusive. This is the way almost all other sex parties are, anyway, so I’m not re-inventing the proverbial wheel here. We’re just trying to ensure that the attendance level is on par with guys’ hopes and expectations.
As has always been the case, however, I never tell guys how to have sex…that is your choice, and your choice, alone. I don’t encourage guys to ask other guys if they’re positive or negative or on PrEP: as far back as 1990, when I became sexually active, I realized that asking someone if he’s positive or negative wouldn’t be smart, since I understood that anyone could lie. I just have always assumed my partner is positive, and I’ve acted willingly and accordingly. The same goes for asking if he’s on PrEP. I just can’t be sure, and if he’s lying, I’m ultimately responsible for my own decisions; not some stranger.
It’s also a buzz kill to ask these kinds of questions at a party.
As an aside: please be careful to note that PrEP only treats the HIV virus; it doesn’t prevent other Sexually Transmitted Diseases, like syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, crabs, or most notably, Hepatitis (especially Hep C).
Condoms are always available here, and you need never feel embarrassed about asking a guy to put one on. If he doesn’t want to, then you each can move on to someone else. No bad feelings.
If you’re a safe sex bottom, I encourage you to periodically put your hand on his dick to make sure it’s on/still on. You can feel the condom ring toward the base of the dick. This is especially true if you’re doing it “doggy style” or in the dark, since it’s harder to see what’s going on back there.
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We had our first Matchers event in May. Based on the feedback, I’ve come up with an idea to make it a much more fun and interactive experience.
Instead of each guy standing up and talking about himself for a minute (which can be nerve-wracking and dull), there will be a short list of hot topics for us to discuss. I will act as the moderator (I used to be a high school English teacher, so this is right up my alley…so to speak!), whereby I’ll call on guys with their hand up who want to say something about whatever we’re discussing.
The men who are more verbose will naturally get more speaking time, and those who tend to be reticent will likely have less to say. Basic Darwinism and meritocracy, each of which I strongly believe in.
After the discussion, everyone will be able to get to know guys more personally, with a thirty minute social period.
You’ll still have the nametag with a code number (in lieu of your name) and you’ll get the fill-in sheets to select the guys you’d like to get to get together with, outside the event.
I’m not billing this as a “find your boyfriend” event, but as a chance to get to make acquaintances with like-minded fellows. If you fall in love and get married, that’s great, but making it “Are you my next boyfriend?” can be uncomfortable and unduly contrived.
The next one will be in September, at The Center on West 13th Street in Manhattan. It will likely be on a Friday, but the date is not yet determined.
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Now for a bit of housecleaning.
On the face of it, I screen guys to ensure that they’re height/weight proportionate, low maintenance, and into the scene of my parties. But I also need to ensure that guys are “with it,” that they don’t do things which could compromise the safety, integrity, and existence of these parties.
In which case, I need to underscore the importance of certain behaviors.
As you should know, the procedure is that when you arrive at my building (449!!!), you’re to text the word “here” to me. About 95% of guys follow this perfectly, and it’s a great system, which allows my neighbors to not have to hear the loud, annoying blare of the buzzer.
But occasionally someone – even some of my regulars – opt not to text me. Either they buzz or they wait for someone with keys to let them in. This is a very big no-no.
Whenever I go to someone’s building, I never allow someone to let me in. I always ring their buzzer and have them buzz me in. Why? Because , as a tenant of the building, it can be very uncomfortable – or even not politically correct – to ask the visitor if he lives there or whom he’s there to see. In the case of my parties, the person might let one of my guys in, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy about it and could potentially, especially if it’s happened multiple times, make a fuss with me or my landlord. I’m allowed to host these parties, but I have no desire to piss any of my fellow tenants off.
Plus I don’t want someone coming to my door, unannounced. I need to know when someone’s coming up the stairs. And once you’re in the building, please come straight to my apartment, rather than stay downstairs to use your phone or whatever; I’m waiting for you at the door, even when I have other things I need to attend to, so it’s a frustrating waste of time to stand there wondering what happened to you.
Last week, after the party had already ended and I was eating dinner in front of the TV, some dude walked into my apartment. I had the door ajar, as I sometimes do, to let my two cats hang out in the hall. Suddenly, both of them ran into the apartment, followed by some strange guy! At 12:30AM, well after the party doors closed at 11PM.
Hosting parties like I do, I have to expect these kinds of things to occasionally happen – and I do – but that doesn’t mean I like it, nor is it acceptable. Please read the rules I include in each email...like when the parties begin and end.
If you can’t use your phone, and you know this ahead of time, you can email me to ask if you can buzz. That’s fine. When this happens, albeit rare, I tell the guy to use the buzzer. But not to lean on it, rather to quickly tap it. It’s loud enough to hear without pressing it for seconds.
Please also be sure to never have money or your wallet in your hand. What are neighbors supposed to think?
The bottom line is, I need to be sure that each and every guy who comes to my parties is “with it” enough to figure this kind of stuff out without being told. Flakes are gonna flake; and even non-flakes will, from time to time, but the fewer the occurrences, the greater the likelihood our parties will continue, unabated.
There are reasons why I’ve been able to host over 1,000 parties, over seven years, in four different apartments! And you guys have much to do with that.
The Örgy Guy