Wednesday, July 22, 2015

On Gay Marriage (and some new shit) – Post #70

A few new things:

1)   We’re having a long-overdue afternoon party on Friday, August 7th, from noon ‘til 3PM.  I can’t host these often, but guys love when I do.
2)   The evening parties now begin at 8PM and go until midnight (doors 11PM).  We may go back to 6PM when the weather turns cold.  Not sure yet.
3)   The bareback parties are still twice-monthly, but are now on
Tuesdays, instead of Thursdays.  They get great turnouts, and this ought to bring even more guys.
4)  AleXander Hirka’s art is currently on display through Sunday 8/2.   Tuesday 8/4 will be the opening for artist, Christopher Stout.


Congratulations to everyone on the recent SCOTUS ruling, legalizing gay marriage across the United States.  It wasn’t long ago when being gay and out about it could get a person beat up.  Especially the guys.

This is a testament to how society has become much more relaxed, and less uptight, about peoples’ differences.  “Tolerant” used to be the word to use, here, but even back then, I thought it denoted that there was something inherently wrong with whatever was being tolerated.

It’s also a testament to how hard some of the more dedicated members of our culture, both gay and straight, and particularly feminists, have tirelessly championed the Cause.  I recall the concept  (issue?) of gay marriage first becoming part of the public consciousness around 1992.

That was before “Ellen” and “Will & Grace,” each of which came at a time, in the late 90s, when society was moving toward acceptance, and gaining a sense of humor about it that didn’t include badgering and ridicule. 

To me, Ellen DeGeneres was a major player, and a hero, in this pursuit.  She had so much to lose and, in fact, she did end up losing her breakthrough sitcom.  Fortunately, and affirmatively, she embarked on a wildly successful daytime show, but even before that, “Will & Grace” filled the void her sitcom left, with America finally permitting gay people into their homes, by way of television, allowing people to laugh with us and see us as far less threatening than had been purported.  We were even, to an extent, becoming normalized.

The Bush years may have slowed us down, but they didn’t stop us.

It's curious to me, if not frustrating, that anyone could logically believe that two folks of the same gender getting married would cause the rate of heterosexual marriages to decline.  See gay folks on TV striving for the right to marry, celebrating marriage, should serve to show young people how precious it is, and how it's something to fight for.

I believe in the institution of Family, too, but it isn't gay marriage that's causing the very evident decline; it's the fact that marriage is a very bad deal for most straight men.  You'll just find very few media outlets willing to say so, for fear of pissing off feminist.

There was a time when gay rights issues were sort of important to me.  I say “sort of,” because at age 22, it was more about finding an identity than “fixing” society.  At that time, gay marriage was in its infancy, while the pressing issues were the rights to not be fired or kicked out of one’s home, and not being murdered for being gay (though that still happens, to be sure).

At that time, in 1992, I had just come out to my parents and, consequently, moved out of their house, of my own accord.  I was searching for a gay cause, with which to identify and satisfy my newfound, short-lived penchant for activism. 

I found it where I lived, in the suburbs of Long Island.  On the very day that I moved out of my parents’ house, a gay man named Henry Marquez was murdered.  This was shortly before the term “hate crime” became part of the cultural vocabulary.  In fact, it’s never even mentioned in the article.

I don’t recall how I found the group of protestors – this was pre-internet – but I went to a meeting with my bi-curious friend, Jessica, and I quickly felt accepted.  Even admired.  I was young, cute, and loved public speaking.  So the leader of the group asked me to speak at the protest, to be held at the North Bellmore train station.

When I was writing my speech, I really didn’t have much actual concern for Mr. Marquez, nor for his family; I was more interested in…well…giving a civil rights speech.  I framed it as, “This could’ve been my brother.”  I stood on the hood of a parked car and shouted my speech to a sizeable throng of gay activists and supporters, the way I’d seen it done in films.  With a police escort, we then proceeded to walk a mile or so, through a neighborhood of angry residents throwing insults at us (the only one I actually remember was “hammerhead”), from the sidewalks. 

My takeaway from this experience, personally, is there’s a difference between trying to make necessary, societal changes, and merely wanting to do something. 

And so here’s where I’m going with this:  when the goals of gay marriage and rightful employment and housing (among a few other gay-related issues) have been achieved, what will become of the myriad folks, who’ve already mobilized and successfully worked together?  Will they disband or will they find a new cause? 

If they do find a new cause, I very much hope that it’s an equally righteous one, rather than forming a group merely to do something.  If it’s the latter, then what had been the promise of healthy societal growth could easily be transformed into a group seeking special privileges and entitlements.

Ambition, competition, and survival are what made us the most advanced species to ever inhabit this planet.  Not Victimhood.

What types of entitlements?  Well, I don’t believe I ought to be entitled to a job, a promotion, or a raise, just because I’m gay.  I don’t believe I ought to not be kicked out of my apartment for not paying rent (I do pay, of course, this is just in theory), because the landlord is afraid of the gay community.  And I don’t believe I should be afforded benefits just because I’m gay (other than the obvious ones, fellas!).  If I want to be taken seriously, as a gay man or as anything else good, it’s important that I be held to the same standards as anyone else.

If I had read this when I was 22 years old, I’m not sure what I would have made of it.  I’ve never been one for entitlements, even as a kid, but the very notion that there are much bigger things than me may have been a bit too much for me to swallow. 

It’s about contributing, perspective, and experience.  Not about entitlements.

Now go get married or something! 


Over the last couple of months, a few guys have mentioned to me something about my last post, about how I have Asperger Syndrome and am not the most sociable guy in the world.  They each wondered how accurate it was, in that I’m actually quite personable and professional.  Sometimes it’s just easier than others.

But please don’t think I’m going to have an attitude with you.  I’m a nice and very respectful guy.  I’ll try to remember your name, but if I don’t, I’ll call you “sir.”  The only time I have an attitude, really, is when someone has one with me.  I respect people, and I prefer being respected.

So don’t be scared away.  After Lidell, I’m the nicest sex party host I’ve ever met.

The Örgy Guy

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