Monday, April 27, 2015

Gift Cards, A Gay Couples Party, A Bareback Party, and Etiquette – Post #68

We’re having an ERUPTIÖN bareback party on Thursday, May 7th.  How you fuck is up to you, but this one is primarily for the barebackers.

On Friday, May 29th, we’re having a new COÜPLES party, exclusively for couples.  Read on for details.


We now have gift cards available at the parties!  Gifts are thoughtful, but this gift is also cool and progressive.  The recipient would just have to email me, so we could be sure it’s a match (so be sure he’s height/weight proportionate!). 

That’s a lot of exclamation points for me.


Have you seen the new A&E show about swinging couples, “Neighbors with Benefits?”  If you haven’t, you may not get the chance; it was pulled after only the first two episodes aired.  Its ratings were actually good, with the second episode attracting even more viewers than the first. 

Backlash? I doubt A&E would film nine hour-long episodes, only to abruptly change course.  That’s a lot of wasted time, resources, and dollars.  But then losing advertising dollars is not picnic, either. 

That the show has been cancelled is only mildly intriguing to me, since I don’t think that most of married America is yet sophisticated enough for the concept of swinging.  Or sex, really.  What does interest me is how straight folks do it, compared to gay men (or just men).

My close friend, Art, and his late husband, Basil (they got married in the hospital, a week before he died), met in 1969 at the Continental Baths.  They maintained an open, very close relationship until Basil died in 2012.  According to them, they absolutely never would have lasted that long, had they tried to be monogamous. 

I’ve seen many couples at sex parties, and I’m always heartened by how progressive they are, as well as secure.  Especially if they’re young, since the desire to stray from monogamy usually comes after the “honeymoon period.”  There was a couple here the other night in their early 20s. 

In this television series, Ohio suburbanites Tony and Diana are the ringleaders main couple.  They seem to very happy together, well adjusted and grounded.  Mostly. 

In the second episode, Tony tells Diana that he wants to see her be more aggressive with other guys.  So, she does.   That night.  With his close friend, Ben.  That they’re all on a date – Ben’s wife, Daedra, included – doesn’t seem to matter as Tony gets jealous, anyway, when Daedra flirts and eventually makes out with Ben.

That’s a mistake, getting their friends involved.  If having sex with other people has a tendency to foster jealousy, why add the burden of being close?   And isn’t it weird?

It’s television, I know, but it just seems like it’s the proverbial recipe for disaster.  Try swinging with strangers, instead, and see how much less jealousy there is.  Without the possibility of losing your friends.

Secondly, why are they having a date?  Why not just go to a club or party where they’re there for actual sex?  I’ve heard many women say to me that they have to feel something for a guy before she sleeps with him. 

As a guy, it’s just sex.  Awesome and no big deal, at the same time (without cognitive dissonance).  Sex and love can be totally separate.  Is the sex going to be better if you know that the other participant likes, say, sushi?  Or is a Republican?  Or drives a sports car?  Maybe knowing those things could make the person more (or less) attractive, but it definitely makes the participants more involved with each other.  Big mistake, in my opinion.  Keep it anonymous.

For gay men, it’s all about the fantasy of that moment.  Guys might exchange numbers now and again, but it’s mostly anonymous.  The intimacy is in the relaxed, like minded, no-judgment atmosphere (if there is one).

If I were on my way home with my significant other, after having just had sex with other people, I’d rather be able to say, “Seeing you fuck that guy with the mustache was really hot,” and leave it at that.  Seeing him have an actual conversation with someone else, then laughing and canoodling and holding hands, then deep kissing each other, as if they were on a first date, the way it happens on this show...well...that might make me a little uncomfortable.  But just fucking?  That’s hot.

Decrease the potential for drama.  Don’t help to create it.

When it isn’t just sex, then it isn’t just sex.

Which brings me to a new party concept (new for me): gay swinging couples.  Like I said, I have seen many couples come to sex parties, and I’d think they’ve got some rules of engagement.  Maybe it’s no kissing, or no getting fucked, safe only, or just let other guys watch us, or whatever.

But I’m fairly certain that there are a lot of couples who would try a sex party if they knew that the other participants were also coupled.  Less intimidation, less wondering if the dude my boyfriend is fucking really wants to move in on him, maybe exchange numbers or whatever.  I have to think it’d be a lot easier seeing my boyfriend fuck another guy, if I knew that other guy already had a boyfriend (or that the boyfriend would reign him in, if his partner got too close to another guy). 

And so, I’m really excited to host a party for gay couples only.  There’s a lot of negotiation that goes on in most couples, particularly when sex with others is involved, and I believe that providing a relatively safe, and couple-conducive, space for them would be very cool. 

The party is called COÜPLES, so there is no confusion about what it is, and who should attend.  Couples only, so if you show up without your partner (partner, not just a friend), you won’t be admitted.

It’ll be on Friday, May 29th, from 7PM to midnight (doors 11PM).


A quick note on party etiquette.  If you make a move on a guy, at a sex party (at any sex party), and that guy walks away or in any way indicates that he’s not interested, please don’t continue to pursue him.  Most of the guys who come to my parties get this, they’re respectful, but there are occasions when someone might be less than appropriate. 

Please be appropriate.  If he says No once, he’s likely not going to say Yes, the third, fourth, or fifth time.

The Örgy Guy