Tuesday, April 22, 2014

To the Guys Who Are Afraid to Come – Post #57

The city crouches, steaming
In the early morning half light
The sun is still a rumor
And the night is still a threat

Slipping through the dark streets
And the echoes and the shadows
Something stirs behind me
And my palms begin to sweat

“Freeze,” Peart ‘02

Tuesday, 4/22/14 1:02 PM
At home

This past winter was the fifth I’ve hosted parties. Every spring, like clockwork, guys rise from their “hibernation” and start going to parties, again.  I look forward to it, every year.

May 12th will be my five year anniversary.


Most of the guys who RSVP for parties never attend.  Before I began hosting, this is something I didn’t expect; I figured, if they ask to come, they’ll come.  It doesn’t work like that.  Most are just seeking information and, when it comes down to it, are too afraid to actually attend.

I’m not saying I want a whole bunch of super-nervous guys showing up – that is, men who are just naturally afraid most of the time – but nervousness about attending one of my sex parties is always much ado about nothing.   No one’s going to get attacked or laughed at.  If someone did do that, he’d have to answer to me, anyway.

If you’re wondering whether you’re of the group that’s too nervous or the one that’s making a mountain out of a mole hill, this may help:

You’re likely not too nervous if:

A)  A sex party is merely something new to you.   It’s natural to be a little scared because you just don’t know what to expect, even if you’ve read what I’ve written about the parties.  Being naked around a bunch of strangers can make one feel vulnerable.  That feeling tends to melt away, once you’ve fixated on something you like.

B)  You’re self-conscious about your body and don’t want to be in a place where you’re rejected by multiple guys.  Most of the guys who come do get laid, even if they don’t look like Brad Pitt.  In fact, I’ve noticed that when there’s an exceptional number of “hot” guys, there’s often less sex.  I don’t know why.

C)  You think you might be the youngest, or the oldest, guy here.  It may be natural to feel that way, but it’s really not a big deal at all.  If you’re under 30 and don’t like men my age or older (40s, 50s), this probably isn’t your party.  There are lots of guys under 40, but the average age is usually about 43.  I have always loved guys this age (my age and older), even when I was a little kid.  The young guys who come, tend to be into guys my age.  If you think you may be up there in age, know that my friend, Art, is very likely older than you.  He’s here a lot.  If you’re an older guy, just please recognize when a guy – especially a young guy – is not interested.  That goes for everyone, regardless of age.

D)  You’re afraid of being the only guy.  If you don’t want to be first, or one of the first, then wait until after 9PM.  There should be enough guys here, by then, to make that a non-issue.  If you need 50 guys when you walk in, well that’s a different story.  It’s always between 15 and 30 guys, sometimes getting more or less, but usually around in that range.

E)  You’re afraid the place is gross.  It isn’t, at all.  I live here and bleach is my constant friend.

But you may be too nervous if:

A)  You’re worried about your belongings.  You’ve got to figure, if the guy (me) has hosted over 700 parties, he’s most likely not doing it to target your wallet, and the parties would’ve ended long ago if it were a scam or unsafe.  You should be secure enough to realize that.

B)  You want to walk around, with your clothes on, before deciding whether or not to stay.  That may be a matter of nerves, or just being overly picky, but either way, it isn’t conducive to a relaxed, non-judgmental environment.  Jump in the pool.

C)  You’ve got fifteen questions for me before you even walk through the door.   Guys like that usually don’t stay long.  Existential men make the best participants. 

D)  You need to ask each guy if he’s negative or positive.   Why would you even believe him, anyway?  Just use a condom.

I’ve learned a lot of things over the course of 730 parties, but the one fact that is most consistent is that the guys who have the most fun, are the most fun.  I see that time and time, again.  Even fun guys are nervous, their first time, but they get over it quickly and don’t allow it to take on a life of its own.  They don’t give it any power.

Whenever I’ve gone to parties, I’ve never gone with any expectations.  That’s a good way to not be disappointed.  I often don’t see any guys who are my type, and I don’t get laid, but I just enjoy being around a bunch of naked men in a relaxed setting.  If a guy approaches me whom I’m not into, I just smile and move his hand away from my crotch, and maybe say I’m not ready yet.  Nothing wrong with that. 

So many guys have attended who were nervous at the outset, but not only ended up staying, but had a great time and have even become regulars. 

If you’re nervous, realize that grown men are usually a lot of fun, and just want to have a good time, away from the stress, the judgments, the responsibilities, and the lack of appreciation in their daily lives.  If this generally describes you, then you’re likely “one of us,” and you’re missing out if you don’t try it.

The first time I meant to attend a sex party was in 1999, when I was 29 or 30 years old.  I got up to the door, then turned around and left because I was too scared to go in.  I was afraid of the dick check (which I don’t do, here, by the way).  The prospect of being naked in front of guys or having sex in front of guys was a big turn-on, but the dick-check?  I’ve never been a fan of the dick-check.  So cold and...clinical.  I don’t think I was too nervous, but by the time I did go, at age 37, I was no longer worried about a dick-check.

The dick-check, by the way, is to ensure you’re there to be a participant, not there to report on it or whatever.  Some hosts have to do it.

There’s really nothing to be overly nervous about.  You get here, no one’s watching you take your clothes off, no one’s going to attack you, and you’re more than free to just watch.  I love to watch!

Sex is fun, yo.  Don’t be afraid of it.  And don’t be afraid of me or the guys I’ve invited.  I do my best to screen out any guys who might ruin your trip.  You’ve got me, the host, on your side, if you ever feel like someone’s coming on too strong.

So get off the internet and come to the party!

The Örgy Guy

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Guys Who Stop Coming – Post #56

I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong
To crash the critic sayin, “Is it right or is it wrong?”

“Applause,” Lady Gaga ‘14

Sunday, 4/20/14 12:13 PM
Outside my building

I’m sitting in a spot where Madonna actually used to hang out, back in the early 80s.  She used sit on this stoop.  I think that’s pretty neat.

The last time I blogged, I wrote that Madonna had already invented Lady Gaga.  Having thought about that several times, since, I’d like to change my opinion, which had been based on the fact that she’s an outspoken, on-the-edge 20-something, white, Italian-American singer of dance music, who performs concerts where she dances with a lot of back-up dancers.

Madonna has never been as much into the fashion-as-art concept, with perhaps here “cone boobs” in ’90 as her biggest statement (well, actually no clothes was her biggest fashion statement).  Lady Gaga’s trip is way beyond that.  Every time I see her, I’m fascinated by her sense of style.  Total artist.  I don’t think Madonna would ever wear meat, even as a statement.

I do still know believe that she won’t last very long if she continues to party like she does. 

But anyway.


A lot of guys ask me why I no longer have weekly bareback parties.  The reason is because the website on which I used to post the ads no longer allows us, the regular party hosts, to post those ads.  I used that site for over four years, as did other hosts, but when they started hosting their own parties – usually twice a month – they didn’t want the competition. 

I still have a ton of bareback guys on my list, but since I can no longer get new guys from that site, I am now only hosting them once a month.


Here is a post, from a couple of years ago, which still applies:

For at least the last year, I’ve meant to blog on the subject of returning regulars.  That is, guys who were regulars, but stopped coming for whatever reason, then come back.  Or they don’t.  I’d kept this idea on the back burner.

But then I realized something, the other night.  I passed a bodega I used to go to regularly and saw the cashier standing outside.  I felt a little embarrassed that I haven’t been going there as much, as though I’d been disloyal to him.  As I turned the corner on East 7th, I realized that if I felt that way about a store clerk whose name I don’t even know, then how must former regulars feel about returning here even after we’d developed more of a relationship? 

Other than some basic courtesy, I look for nothing more from my guys than their doing whatever makes them happy.  If that means not coming for a while, then that’s what I want for them.  Men that bring eager energy are part of that which makes a hot orgy, while stale energy is stale energy.

The other night, someone came who hadn’t been here since New Year’s Eve (when we were at the Perry St. location).  He told me he’d just broken up with someone he met at that party, another regular whom I also hadn’t seen. 

Guys get boyfriends, guys move, guys get bored.  There are any number of reasons why a guy might stop coming.

I understand that your sex life, your life, has nothing to do with loyalty to me.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s all about you.  If you come to every other orgy for two or three months, then stop coming, I’m not bothered by it.  I just figure you’re doing what you have to do or whatever makes you happy.

When a guy does return, often he’ll have this look on his face like I’m going to give him this “where have you been?” look.  Nah-ah.  I usually just smile broadly and am happy to see him. 

Incidentally, a guy might also get that look if he’s come to a few in a row...like I’m going to judge him.  Heck, if I can regularly aid you on your sexual trip, that’s great, and it also means I must be doing something right.

Just know that you’re free to return without feeling uncomfortable. 

And we hope to see you again soon.

The Örgy Guy