Thursday, December 27, 2012

Exhibit D: Who Likes Being Watched? – Post #48

Too bad you can’t do that for a living.  You’d be very successful at it.  You could sell out Madison Square Garden.  Thousands of people could watch you.  You could be a big star!

~ Estelle Costanza, Seinfeld, “The Contest”

Thursday, 12/27/12 11:13 AM
Astor Place Starbucks

I’d thought about doing a year-in-review piece, but I’ve squashed the idea.  It’s been a very heavy year for me, the most challenging I’ve had since I started doing parties in ’09.  By reviewing it “out loud,” I’d be giving it more power than it’s already had.  What’s best for me is to direct my eyes forward.

Every year presents significant changes, some to live with and others to overcome.  That’s really all I need to know about it.


This is the fourth installment of the results from the 2010 sex survey I posted on surveymonkey.  Last week’s post talked about voyeurism.  This week, it’s about exhibitionism: who likes to be watched? Do tops or bottoms prefer it more or less?  What about safers and barebackers?  Make your predictions.

The graphs are on


I didn’t have my first group sex experience until I was 37 years old.  But I’d totally fantasized about it.  The very idea of being watched (by grown men) was a major turn-on.  At the buddy booths on 8th Avenue, I’d leave the door unlocked while I was getting blown, hoping someone would open it and watch.  Even just a hand coming through and playing with my nipple was enough for me to blow my load.  Lots of times, though, one of the dudes working there would yell and slam the door shut first.  Same thing happened at the West Side Club.

Parties offer so much more freedom.


Last week’s post showed that tops are more into watching guys having sex, than bottoms are.  Does the same hold true for being watched?  Nope.  Actually, bottoms and tops are about the same there.  44% of each group said it depends, while only 2% of bottoms and 4% of tops said they don’t like to be watched at all.  Over 50% of each said Yes.  Versatiles, however, are more selective, in that 54% said it depends, with only 40% saying Yes.  They also had more guys who said No, at 6%.

But what about the safers vs. the barebackers?  Do they differ or are they also the same?  More safers like to watch the action, than barebackers, but barebackers are significantly more into being watched than safers are.  Not even one barebacker who responded to this question flat-out said No, while 7% of safers did.  Almost half of barebackers said Yes (49%), while only 35% of safers said they like being watched, regardless of who’s watching.  58% of them said that it depends.

Overall, a very small percentage of guys are not into being watched at all.  Most guys dig being watched, by a larger margin than guys who are into watching. 

Next week’s post will cover the results for whether guys would be into having themselves filmed for online.  Would you?


A quick note on how I screen for parties. 

A member sent me this message: “I have formed another friendship with someone I’ve met at your parties. That’s three people worth knowing who I met at your place. You’re great at weeding out the bad apples. Keep up the good work.” 

Now, guys whom I decline to invite are not all bad apples – I realize that – but the only way I can get the “right” guys to come is to look for flags when guys RSVP.  Here are a few things that tend to make me decline someone:

1)  Attitude.  If a guy can’t take the time to greet me in an email, or just be somewhat respectful and/or cordial, then I have to figure he’s a jerk.  Even if he’s not.  It can also be evident in a guy’s profile.  I recently read one where the headline was, “Heyyy Bitches!!!”  Another one said something about taking him to dinner first.  Yet another had a picture of himself, lounging on a patio, a white guy on his hands and knees acting as a table for drinks, with a caption that read, “Making whitey useful.”

2)  Entitlement.  It’s one thing to take advantage of a discount, it’s quite another to ask for one.  When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be treated like a man, so I acted like one, never expecting anyone to give me anything because I was young and cute (‘cept that one time when I asked my rich boyfriend for an allowance, which I quickly realized wasn’t me).  I’ll gladly invite young men, but not old boys.  I much prefer people who contribute in life, than those who want to mooch what they can, while giving back as little as possible.

3)  Lots of questions and generally guys who are high maintenance, meaning they require more attention than most.  They tend to be less appropriate, generally not even realizing it (which makes it worse). 

4)  Body type.  I look for guys who are at least height/weight proportional.  I hate declining guys for this reason, but I also decline guys who feel the need to include their bicep/chest/etc. measurements in their profiles.  The former type is for visual reasons, while the latter is about attitude. 

Guys rarely like the explanation, so I usually don't give one.


And a big THANK YOU to all the guys who’ve supported me, especially this year.  From the beginning of 2012 to the end of 2012, it’s been a series of significant challenges, both professionally and personally.  All any of us can really do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.  It’s just nice to know that there are folks out there cheering me on and helping to clear a path. 

Thank you so much.  All the best to you and yours in 2013.

The Örgy Guy

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