Thursday, December 27, 2012

Exhibit D: Who Likes Being Watched? – Post #48

Too bad you can’t do that for a living.  You’d be very successful at it.  You could sell out Madison Square Garden.  Thousands of people could watch you.  You could be a big star!

~ Estelle Costanza, Seinfeld, “The Contest”

Thursday, 12/27/12 11:13 AM
Astor Place Starbucks

I’d thought about doing a year-in-review piece, but I’ve squashed the idea.  It’s been a very heavy year for me, the most challenging I’ve had since I started doing parties in ’09.  By reviewing it “out loud,” I’d be giving it more power than it’s already had.  What’s best for me is to direct my eyes forward.

Every year presents significant changes, some to live with and others to overcome.  That’s really all I need to know about it.


This is the fourth installment of the results from the 2010 sex survey I posted on surveymonkey.  Last week’s post talked about voyeurism.  This week, it’s about exhibitionism: who likes to be watched? Do tops or bottoms prefer it more or less?  What about safers and barebackers?  Make your predictions.

The graphs are on


I didn’t have my first group sex experience until I was 37 years old.  But I’d totally fantasized about it.  The very idea of being watched (by grown men) was a major turn-on.  At the buddy booths on 8th Avenue, I’d leave the door unlocked while I was getting blown, hoping someone would open it and watch.  Even just a hand coming through and playing with my nipple was enough for me to blow my load.  Lots of times, though, one of the dudes working there would yell and slam the door shut first.  Same thing happened at the West Side Club.

Parties offer so much more freedom.


Last week’s post showed that tops are more into watching guys having sex, than bottoms are.  Does the same hold true for being watched?  Nope.  Actually, bottoms and tops are about the same there.  44% of each group said it depends, while only 2% of bottoms and 4% of tops said they don’t like to be watched at all.  Over 50% of each said Yes.  Versatiles, however, are more selective, in that 54% said it depends, with only 40% saying Yes.  They also had more guys who said No, at 6%.

But what about the safers vs. the barebackers?  Do they differ or are they also the same?  More safers like to watch the action, than barebackers, but barebackers are significantly more into being watched than safers are.  Not even one barebacker who responded to this question flat-out said No, while 7% of safers did.  Almost half of barebackers said Yes (49%), while only 35% of safers said they like being watched, regardless of who’s watching.  58% of them said that it depends.

Overall, a very small percentage of guys are not into being watched at all.  Most guys dig being watched, by a larger margin than guys who are into watching. 

Next week’s post will cover the results for whether guys would be into having themselves filmed for online.  Would you?


A quick note on how I screen for parties. 

A member sent me this message: “I have formed another friendship with someone I’ve met at your parties. That’s three people worth knowing who I met at your place. You’re great at weeding out the bad apples. Keep up the good work.” 

Now, guys whom I decline to invite are not all bad apples – I realize that – but the only way I can get the “right” guys to come is to look for flags when guys RSVP.  Here are a few things that tend to make me decline someone:

1)  Attitude.  If a guy can’t take the time to greet me in an email, or just be somewhat respectful and/or cordial, then I have to figure he’s a jerk.  Even if he’s not.  It can also be evident in a guy’s profile.  I recently read one where the headline was, “Heyyy Bitches!!!”  Another one said something about taking him to dinner first.  Yet another had a picture of himself, lounging on a patio, a white guy on his hands and knees acting as a table for drinks, with a caption that read, “Making whitey useful.”

2)  Entitlement.  It’s one thing to take advantage of a discount, it’s quite another to ask for one.  When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be treated like a man, so I acted like one, never expecting anyone to give me anything because I was young and cute (‘cept that one time when I asked my rich boyfriend for an allowance, which I quickly realized wasn’t me).  I’ll gladly invite young men, but not old boys.  I much prefer people who contribute in life, than those who want to mooch what they can, while giving back as little as possible.

3)  Lots of questions and generally guys who are high maintenance, meaning they require more attention than most.  They tend to be less appropriate, generally not even realizing it (which makes it worse). 

4)  Body type.  I look for guys who are at least height/weight proportional.  I hate declining guys for this reason, but I also decline guys who feel the need to include their bicep/chest/etc. measurements in their profiles.  The former type is for visual reasons, while the latter is about attitude. 

Guys rarely like the explanation, so I usually don't give one.


And a big THANK YOU to all the guys who’ve supported me, especially this year.  From the beginning of 2012 to the end of 2012, it’s been a series of significant challenges, both professionally and personally.  All any of us can really do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.  It’s just nice to know that there are folks out there cheering me on and helping to clear a path. 

Thank you so much.  All the best to you and yours in 2013.

The Örgy Guy

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Exhibit C: Voyeurism – Post #47

Half the world lives
Half the world makes
Half the world gives
While the other half takes

Half the world is
Half the world was
Half the world thinks
While the other half does

~ ”Half the World,” N. Peart ‘96

Wednesday, 12/19/12 5:07 PM
At home

I’m intrigued by the current poll results, regarding the age men are at their hottest.  I hadn’t expected so many guys (42%) to say middle-aged men are hottest. 

Maybe I’m not as weird as I’d thought (or as the media wants me to believe I am).


This is the third installment of the results from the 2010 sex survey I posted on surveymonkey.  Last week’s post talked about who likes a good pounding and who’s more into the slow & steady.   This week, it’s about voyeurism.  Who likes to watch?  And who likes to watch the most, safers or barebackers?  Tops or bottoms?

The graphs are on


My peak year as an orgy-goer (pre-host) was 2007.  Early in the year, it was Ed & Steve’s and the Loft parties.  That summer and fall, I went to pretty much every party held at the W. 29th Street space: Lidell’s, Troy’s, Hunteur’s, Lou’s.  Then there was the B&D party on Friday nights.  Those didn’t have any sex, though; I had to wait until after 2AM for that to start.

But even as much sex as I had, the best memories I have of those nights were about the watching part.  I would stand in a strategic spot (y’all know how to cruise?) and watch the match-ups develop.  See who was checking out whom.  Maybe get in a better position, predicting where they’d end up fucking, if they’d end up fucking.  I’d also look around to see who else was checking them out, because, well, I’m not the only voyeur.  I wanted to get to the best viewing spot before he did.

At the same time, though, it was important not to frighten them away.  Like bird watching.  But unlike bird watching, there’s a good chance they wouldn’t mind it at all, or even want it.  Or one of them could just get weirded out and that was that.  Can’t weird out the top because he needs to be hard enough to get it in, and having someone right there could be distracting.  So I’d wait for the fucking to actually start before getting close. 

Then I’d crouch down and get right up in it, especially if it was a sling.  The 29th Street parties were usually lit well enough to see The Junk.  What a privilege.

If they fucked long enough, I’d usually cum, but most times they’d stop first.  Those times, though, I’d often stand up and trade places with the top.  Hot stuff.  Except one time when I didn’t realize who the bottom was, and I ended up fucking someone I already knew, and totally wouldn’t have fucked at all.  But, as I was already inside the guy – and seeing how he was quite happy with the sudden turn of events – I fucked him for a quick minute.


Half the world cries
Half the world laughs
Half the world tries
To be the other half

I polled guys about voyeurism because I really just wanted to just wanted to find out how weird I am.

Which tends to have become a recurring theme for me.

So who’s more into watching, bottoms or tops?  According to the guys polled, tops are, 76% to 53%.  Further, even when given the option to select “Depends,” 15% of bottoms flat-out said No.  Only 3% of tops said No.  I’m a top and I’d be in the “Depends” group, which only accounts for 21%.

Overall, though, of the 182 guys who answered that question, two-thirds of the respondents said they love to watch; even, again, as they were given the option to select “Depends.”  I expected a much higher “Depends” percentage.

Bareback and safesex voyeurs, on the other hand, selected “Depends” equally. But the number of barebackers who flat-out said No to watching outweighed the safers 5 to 1.   Three fourths of safers love watching, but only (only?) two thirds of barebackers love it. 

It’s fair to say that men, in these cases gay men, tend to dig watching.  A very lot.

Given a larger group of respondents, the numbers would change, but perhaps not that much.  The larger the group, the closer to the truth.

So now you know, next time you're asked: safe sex tops tend to be voyeurs the most, bareback bottoms the least.  You can never know when you might need this information.


The next surveymonkey poll will be posted soon.   The basic demographic questions will include age, race, and region.  Please email me with questions you might want answered.  Here are a few:

Ø   Where do you fall on a scale of 1 (total bottom) to 10 (total top)?
Ø   If in a relationship, how monogomous would you want it to be?  1 (totally monogomous) to 10 (totally open, no rules)
Ø   Age of your first sexual experience?
Ø   Question for bottoms: Do you fantasize about being passed around a group of tops, or would you want to choose which tops fuck you?
Ø   Question for safe tops: Do you feel like your sensory experience is compromised by using a condom?
Ø   Question for bareback tops: Would you use a condom if the sensation were the same as doing it bare?
Ø   Most loads you’ve taken?


During the blackout, I went to the St. Mark’s Market for whatever imperishables they had left.  They had a couple of guys walking around with flashlights, helping folks find their way.  It was, like so much else that week ‘round here in the East Village and beyond, totally surreal. 

When I got to the register, the guy put all the items in bags without looking at any of them.  He then asked me how much I wanted to pay.  Fairly shocked, I replied, “Whatever it’s worth.”  He smiled and said, “How’s ten?”  “This is worth at least thirty,” and I gave him two twenties.  The guy threw one of the twenties into my bag.

I think he said, “Take advantage of it.  We’ll never see anything like this again.”

Cops closed it later that day.

The Örgy Guy

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Who Wants to Get Pounded? (Poll Results Exhibit B) – Post #46

Stars aglow like scattered sparks
Span the sky in clockwork arcs
Hint at more than we can see
Spiritual machinery

                   ~ ”Clockwork Angels,” N. Peart ‘12

Monday, 12/10/12 8:07 PM
At home

Data are the mechanics, the guts and organs, the truth and the reality.  The rest is mostly just ideological guessing.  It’s the difference between sensing the time of day and actually looking at a clock.


This is the second installment of the results from the 2010 sex survey I posted on surveymonkey.  Last week’s blog post talked a little bit about the basics: top, bottom, vers; safe sex or bareback; and a little about fetishes.  This week, we’re looking at who likes a good pounding and who’s more into the slow & steady, while also getting more into the fetishes.

The actual graphs are on 


I’m a voyeur, so I was curious to see who’s into a good ass pounding vs. slow & steady fucking.  I asked the question because I was curious to see if bottoms and tops differered, but the more interesting aspect to me turned out to be how safesexers and barebackers answered. Of those who answered this question, the Barebacker and Safesexer pie charts each include both bottoms and tops, while the Those Who Bottom and Those Who Top graphs represent safesexers and barebackers.   Also, I’ve only included those who were either strictly safe or bareback, not including those who said “Depends,” in this regard.

According to this limited sample, those who bottom tend to like getting pounded a full third more than tops like to give it.  I’d have guessed the opposite, given my own experiences.  I often see tops getting their frustrations out, while bottoms intimate to me that older guys tend to be better tops because we don’t always fuck like we’re trying to split the bottom in half.  So seeing how much bottoms like to be pounded surprised me. I’m in the 76% percentile, as a top – I like to mix it up.

Safesexers here like a pounding about as much as the Slow & Steady, but the difference is that barebackers prefer a good pounding considerably more than those who only play safe.  I don’t truly know what this means, but one could infer that barebackers are more “all out,” as opposed to safesexers, who may tend to being more patient and reserved. 

But that is only conjecture.

For fetishes, the poll asked guys to name what their into, unprompted, as opposed to having them read a list then check them off.  This way, it’s more pure and unfettered by suggestion.  In reading a list, one is more likely to say, “Oh yeah, I’m into that too...and that one and that one and that one...”  I prefer to see what comes to mind.

I’m not at all surprised to see that the Gang Bang is the most popular fantasy, but seeing Bondage & Discipline at #2 throws me a bit.  I’d have figured Uniforms, Twinks, Muscles, or even Rimming to get a higher placement.  Shows how much I know (which is why I dig research).  Fistfucking, too, comes in higher than I’d have predicted.  I’d already known that Piss/Watersports is actually popular, but only because of what I do for a living; prior to that, there’s no way I’d have thought so many guys are into Watersports.

So, is any of this news to you?

The next blog post will break out the fetishes by Bottom/Top, and by Safesexers/Barebackers.  Stay tuned.

About a year-and-a-half ago, when I moved to The East Village, I stopped cutting my hair.  I’d wanted to experience a different trip, or a different leg of my life’s journey, just to see what it’s like.  I grew my hair in my mid-teens (‘til Dad said cut it!), again in my early 20s, then again a couple of years later when I was lead singer in a rock band (in the days of Pearl Jam, et al).  At age 42, I thought I’d give it one more shot, while I’ve still got the hair to do it with.

I also did it because I don’t think long hair is sexy.  Yes, don’t.  Why would I do that?  Because I got sick of thinking of myself according to sexiness, and placing too much emphasis on whether or not others thought of me that way.  I wanted to “untether” myself (I wasn’t exactly chained) from others’ perceptions.  So far, it’s worked out nicely.  Now, I’m more about allowing myself to just BE. 

I think long hair looks much cooler than short hair, just not sexier.  For all the years I had a regular day job, whenever I’d seen a man over a certain age with long hair, I’d wonder what he does for a living to be able to have his hair like that.   I’d also admire him for being so free, which is one of my major Life Trips.

But there is something I wasn’t expecting.  Part of maturing is not being defined by that which is outside oneself, as much as what is inside; that which is actual, as opposed to projected. It’s taught me that I’ve finally arrived at that age, where the hair or the clothes don’t make me. 

I make the hair and the clothes.

I’ve also learned that guys still want to play with me, even though I no longer look like Mr. Cop/Marine.  However, I still think most guys are like me: into short hair.

What do you think?  Please check out the long hair/short hair poll to the right and let us know.

The Örgy Guy

Sunday, December 2, 2012

2010 Survey Monkey Poll Results (Exhibit A) – Post #45

How many times do you hear it?
It goes on all day long
Everyone knows everything
And no one’s ever wrong

Show me, don’t tell me

You can twist perceptions
Reality won’t budge
You can raise objections
I will be the judge
And the jury

I’ll give it due reflection
Watching from the fence
Give the jury direction
Based on the evidence
I, the jury

~ ”Show Don’t Tell,” N. Peart ’89 (pre-internet)

Saturday, 12/1/12 6:53 PM
At home

Even back in high school, I was interested in data collection, seeking forensic patterns and truths.  During lunch (and likely during class), I’d use graph paper, different colored pens and pencils, and a ruler to build line graphs associated with rock music.  I’d figure how much I liked a particular band, over the course of the preceding bunch of years, then superimpose the lines of other bands.  I wanted to see how my tastes were changing.  I also built graphs depicting how great I thought each album was from a particular band, determining (opining, really) if they were getting better or not.

Yes, I’ve always been a freak.  And quite happy about it.


Over the spring of 2010, I posted some sex-related questions on Survey Monkey.  209 guys responded.  I’ve spent much of the last month compiling all the data and creating graphs.  Here were the questions:

   >Are you bottom, top, or vers?
      >Safe, bareback, or depends?
      >Do you give/take the load?
      >Do you prefer pounding ass/being pounded, slow and steady, or mixing it up?
      >Are you a voyeur?
      >Would you be in internet porn?
      >Any fetishes/fantasies? Listing them, unprompted by multiple choices.

The graphs are on

As is typical in polls, not everyone responded to every question, but there was usually enough to glean patterns and conclusions. I didn’t ask how old the respondents were, but I know that younger guys tend to practice safe sex more than older guys, based on other data I collect.  Other factors I’d like to include in the next poll would be race and region.

Of the 209 respondents, almost half identified themselves as versatile (48%), while approximately a third were bottoms (35%), and only 17% tops (which is not a surprise at all to most of the bottoms out there).

With regard to safe sex vs. bareback, those who bottom were pretty much in thirds: 34% were safe only, 35% were bareback only, and 31% said it depends...which really means 66% have bareback sex.  Of those who top, the number having safe sex only dropped to 25%, while 37% were bare only, and 38% “depends.”   

Some of the data served to reinforce much of what I’d already suspected.  But there were some surprises, too.  For instance, while the #1 fetish of the guys who are bareback only, is the gang bang, the #1 fetish of those practicing safe sex only is bukkake.  Not even one guy who stricly barebacks listed bukkake. 

The Top 5 for strictly barebackers (sans “depends”): gang bang, piss, fist fuck, groups, and leather.  The Top 5 for strictly safers: bukkake, bondage & discipline, gang bang, fist fuck, groups. 

As with any data, the more respondents, the higher the probability of accuracy.  The limited numbers of this poll aren’t reliable enough to satisfy scientific standards.  But then it’s not like I only asked ten guys, either, so it’s relatively useful.

Personally, the only agenda I have is building this thing I’ve got going, called The Örgy Guy.  I’m also very interested in seeing these data results because I love seeing truths, as opposed to mere opinions, and I’m obviously part of this particular population.  It’s sort of like an autopsy, where it’s far better to examine what’s actually happening inside, rather than simply having a sense (then professing it as a truth).  I am not associated with any agencies or groups, though I’m not necessarily averse to helping one.

Over the course of the next month – the remainder of 2012 – I will roll out portions of these data and conclusions.  The raw numbers and graphs will be posted on, while the gleanings will be posted here, on this blog.

Starting in 2013, I will be posting a new set of poll questions on Survey Monkey.  In the meantime, I’m asking you guys to email me with specific questions you might want asked.  It could be as benign as, “Where do you fall on a scale of 1 (totally straight) to 10 (totally gay)?”  Or it could be more salacious, like “Why don’t you practice safe sex?”  My audience is much larger than it was in 2010, when this poll was taken, so the results for the new ones will be better and more insightful.

I’m really looking forward to it.

You’ve figured out the score
I’ve heard it all before
I don’t care what you say
Let’s see Exhibit A

Show me, don’t tell me


Whenever, if ever, you request an invitation to attend a sex party – anyone’s sex party – you should submit some basic stats, like body type, weight, age, and hopefully a recent pic.  A “please” and “thank you,” or the lack thereof, are also indicative of the type of person you’re portraying yourself to be.  Sending an email to me that merely says, “PARTY INFO,” usually gets put in my No file, even if it has a picture. 


Those who’d been to any of the parties I held on Perry Street may recall the toilet seat: the decorative kind with sand and shells inside, with a crack in it.  When I moved to the East Village, I bought a “normal” toilet seat, but saved the old one in the event I’d want to sell it on eBay.  Or whatever.  Well, after someone broke the regular toilet seat here (how???), I put back the shelly one. 

If there’s anyone out there who’s really into this sort of...shit...let me know.  It certainly has a lot of history with assholes from around the world.  It could be had at the right price.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

The Örgy Guy