Monday, October 22, 2012

What is "Hot?" – Post #44

Against the run of the mill
Swimming against the stream
Life in two dimensions
Is a mass production scheme
~ ”Grand Designs,” N. Peart ‘85

Monday, 10/22/12 10:14 AM
Astor Place Starbucks, sunny and warm

I saw Rush live in NJ, Saturday night.  21st time since 1982, and it was the best I’ve ever seen them.  This is why we love these guys.

Going again tonight.  Yayness.


Editor's note: I can't seem to get the Comments section to work. Thought I fixed it in Permissions, but alas.

What is “hot,” to you, anyway?

I recently posted some Before & After pictures of random guys, and polled readers as to which was hotter.  I purposely chose guys who weren’t overweight or significantly out of shape, as the poll results would have been obvious.  I wanted to see where I stood in relation to other guys, with regard to my proclivity for men who have a natural physique, as opposed to one that is contrived.  Those polls are a very small sample, but I was a bit surprised that most guys who responded felt the way I do.

Why?  I think we’re bombarded with media images and messages that gym bodies are hotter.  We see so much of it that we just assume that’s how most people think.  Someone recently emailed me, saying something to the effect that he likes built and super-built, “but doesn’t everyone?”  I replied that I wasn’t one of them, to which he answered that he actually didn’t feel that way, exactly, but that he thought that’s what everyone else thought. 

Now let me be clear: I’m not saying that there’s little or no distinction between Donald Trump and Brad Pitt.  What I am saying is that a naturally hot physique may actually (gasp!) be hotter to most guys than guys who strut in and out of a gym, five days a week. 

But why?  I can’t speak for everyanybody, but here’s the deal for me.  It’s almost as much about personality, as it is about looks.  Often enough, I see a guy I think is hot, then if he comes off as arrogant and entitled, I immediately lose my hard-on for him.  Seeing someone who’s trying so hard is not masculine to me, it’s feminine or “high school.”  My father was gorgeous, as was my mother, but all he had to do was throw on a shirt and slacks, while my mother spent hours in front of the mirror to look the way she wanted.  Teen-agers, of course, tend to me very conscious of how they look.  To me, men are men because we don’t have to try so hard. 

Maybe it’s just me.

Imagine a picture of a guy who’s posing, cheeks slightly sucked in and mouth pouting, peering seductively at the camera.  Now imagine a picture of a guy just standing there and smiling.  Which tends to be hotter to you?  The one who’s trying or the one who isn’t?  I believe that the media would lead us to believe in the former, while the reality may be in the latter.

I have a friend who’s been a gym rat for a very long time.  He’s got a great body, but he’s not a snob.  He doesn’t turn his nose up to anyone who doesn’t go to the gym. He’s a great looking guy, and a lot of fun, but what makes him really hot to me is that he doesn’t have an attitude about it.  He’s got his “type,” but he’s cool with anyone who’s cool with him.

Unfortunately, though, this too often is not the case with guys who spend a lot of time on their looks.  I think they feel like all their hard work entitles them, and that they’ve achieved a certain level of stature.  It reminds me of a Seinfeld episode, where Elaine is dating a med student; when he finally passes his exams, he ditches her, because, “I always knew that, once I became a doctor, I’d find someone better.  That’s the dream of becoming a doctor.”

I realize that there are gym rats who don’t think that way (like my friend Arne), but is it the norm?  Can a host really get a party full of gym guys, and still have “no attitude?”

Here are ten men I personally find very hot:

The guys at the top are Dan Butler, from Frasier, and Ed Harris.  You can see the similarities, eh?  To the left is NFL ref, Ed Hochuli. Incredible.  He strikes me as the type who likes to work out, but is cool about it, instead of using it as an "asset."

To the right is former baseball player George Brett. The question is what I wouldn't do to him. Such a MAN. 

Any idea who the man on the left is?  It's Jack Kerouac.  His wet shorts let us see more than we're supposed to.

Lee Majors, my first crush.  He played the Six Million Dollar Man, way back when, and even at a very early age, I knew what I liked.

Mike Rowe, of Dirty Jobs, is a good example of a man who's naturally hot.

That's Rock Hudson, the one on the left.  :sigh:  My friend Art played with him at a sex party in the 60s, in Dallas.

Scott Caan is James Caan's son.  Again, so natural.  So normal.  So unpretentious.  At least in this picture.  Google him to see the difference when he's posing.

To the right is William Holden, with the typical mid-20th century beautiful body.  I'd eat a mile of his shit to find where it came from.

With the exception of Ed Hochuli, they’re all natural looking.

I used to think John Slattery was hot, ‘til I found out he’s a jerk.  Not hot anymore.

So, what do you find hot?  What level of bodywork or lack thereof?  Is “no attitude” really more important to you than big pecs?  For the first time, I’m opening this up to comments.  Please be civil.


This has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with affirmative living.

My friend Steve died on Thursday 10/18, after a 4-year battle with colorectal cancer.  He was not a member of our party circle; he wasn’t even gay.  He was, however, one of the most affirmative, positive, and funniest people I’ve ever met.  Steve was 53 years old.

I met Steve 4 ½ years ago, through my friend, Art.  The first time I walked into his Christopher Street apartment – the first time anyone walks into Steve’s apartment – I was immediately taken by how comfortable it was, and it reminded me of Jeannie’s bottle.  Almost every square inch of wall and surface, and even some air space, was occupied by funky conversation pieces. Plastic figurines of two women, arm-in-arm, on the mantle; walls full of CDs; funny 1940s advertisements; wicca thingamajigs; a mobile with superheroes dangling; strings of lights; and the obligatory large screen TV.  Many of the decorations were added by his friends.  Steve’s home was so invititing and full of kinship, just like Steve. 

He could imitate anyone, any character, and was especially good at imitating a proper English actor (even though he was from Queens).  To hear him do a South Park character would leave us all in stitches.  Especially his Mr. Slave, “Jezus Chriiiist.”

Even through all the pain, especially over the last year when he couldn’t sit upright, he was always Up.  He rarely complained and always lived his life as being worth living – giving up was never an option.

My last conversation with Steve, the day before he died, while I was loading up his iPod with Floyd, Yes, and the like, he told me that he’d arranged for his small business to be taken over by a close friend, and that his mother would continue to get the amount of money he’d been supporting her with.  It was the only comforting thing he’d had, at that point, and I could tell he was proud of himself for taking care of it.

When I walked through the doors to the Beth Israel hospice, next day, his friend saw me and told me that Steve had just passed away.  I waited for a little while before going in, giving his mother, Grace, and long-time girlfriend, Carol, alone-time with him.  But I did go in.  Seeing his mother stroke Steve’s sunken cheek, while whispering, “You were a good boy,” is something I will never forget.

Steve was my pot dealer.

The Örgy Guy

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The New NYC Party Listings Page is Up – Post #43

I was brought up to believe
The universe has a plan
We are only human
It’s not ours to understand
~ ”BU2B,” N. Peart ‘10

Tuesday, 10/9/12 9:47 AM
Astor Place Starbucks, chilly and rainy

I’m drinking a cup of coffee paid for by the first check I’ve received for videos sold on the site.

Thanks guys.


When I started, I’d imagined all we hosts had been sitting around a conference table, brainstorming ideas on how to build the industry.  We’d collectively agreed that a social site dedicated to parties would be very good.  Very expensive and time-consuming, but very good.  When it came time for someone to volunteer, everyone else either had his head down, was doodling or answering RSVPs on his cell.
So I raised my hand.

My prior blog post talked about how I’ve had to adapt to the fact that hosts had not yet posted their parties on the new site.  They still haven’t, which has only served to kick my ass into a higher gear.
I’ve also found it’s actually more difficult to get guys to register on a social website than it is to get them to travel from one borough to another, and plunk down $20 for the mere possibility of having sex with guys they’ve never met.  And without having seen even one picture!  But the fact that the site has as many members as it currently does tells me that guys are buying into the vision I’ve described and in the promises I’ve made. 
I know that if I don’t live up to the promise, the members will go away.  I’ve learned a lot of important lessons over the last three plus years, one of which is to never (ever) take you guys for granted.
I took on the project that is, having had the idea for a while, but like a lot of things in life, I put it off.  I was more-or-less forced into changing course from hosting parties when one person, whom I still have not identified publically (nor even privately, ‘cept to one host), threw a chain in my wheel.  Instead of focusing on the person who fucked me up, hence dropping out of the race, I got up, brushed off the dirt, and cleaned the bloody wounds.  Undeterred by all the cyclists racing past me, I decided to build a new, much better, spokeless bicycle.
It’s a long-ass race yo.  There’s actually time for that.
In keeping my promise to you, I’ve been developing a database of parties in NYC and beyond.  If you’ve ever glanced at my computer screen when walking out of the bathroom here, you know how I am with data.  The concept of listing NYC parties is not original, as the AGS blog has been doing it – somewhat notoriously at times – for for a few years.  In fact, some of the copy I’ve got is lifted directly from said blog, to get me started.  I’ve been reading other hosts’ websites, gleaning information that you, the partygoer, may find useful, if not interesting.  It’s certainly been interesting to me.
I’m starting with NYC parties primarily, but it’ll grow to all of the U.S., then beyond. It’s designed to be clean, consistent, and easy to read, using limited color-coding for easier eye scanning.  The current criteria are as follows:
PARTY NAME              THE SPACE               NUDITY POLICY
LOCATION                # OF GUYS               MUSIC
ZIP CODE                AGES                    RACE
DAYS                    BODY TYPES              SUPPLIED
HOURS                   SCENE                   THEMES
EMAIL                   TYPES OF SEX            DESCRIPTION
BB/SAFE                 ALCOHOL POLICY

I won’t be posting anything with regard to donations or street addresses.  That’s private information, between member and host.
And I’m only including parties that the host has already posted online for public consumption.  There are private parties, which are not online already, and I won’t go against the host’s wishes.  Further, I am not in the business of pissing anyone off, so I’ll pay particular attention to the type of information I post, however this aspect of the site develops.  Hopefully, hosts will want to participate by posting their own information, in their own profiles and in their own ads. 
Like I said, I don’t want to make (bad) waves in my own industry, but if there’s something a host describes his party as being, but is not, I’ll list the honest answer.  I totally understand how it is to want to build numbers, but lying to achieve that isn’t the way to do it, particularly in the sex industry, where there are already enough slimeballs doing just that sort of thing.  I’d hope that hosts would hold themselves to a higher level of conduct.
:holding my breath:
One area I’ve already seen in my research, where hosts may be skewing the truth a little bit, is that almost every host describes his party as “no attitude.”  This just isn’t true.  A host might prefer it to be the case, but if he isn’t screening for it at least as carefully as he screens for, say, body type, then guys with attitudes are going to be there.  That’s just the reality of what we do.  Wanting something to be true is not necessarily congruent to the actual truth.  Or if he states that the party consists of all “hot” guys, but men resembling Donald Trump on a windy day are there, then he’s misrepresenting his party.  I’ll need to address those things as carefully as I can.
Again, I want the hosts to be happy (though I’m not as concerned with that as I was two months ago), but I must follow my own code of conduct.  I refuse to use insulting language and throw out childish ad hominems, but there are ways to diplomatically articulate a necessary and pertinent point.
The members, the partygoers, come first.
So please check out the new listings page.  Visit regularly to find the information you need and to watch the concept develop.

The X filmed orgy, held on Friday 10/5, was a success.  I got a lot of hot footage from it.  I’m not yet sure if it’s enough for the next 30-minute video.  Stay tuned.

The Örgy Guy