Saturday, November 12, 2011

Sympathy for the Dick and The XTube Party Returns – Post #36




Quick to judge
Quick to anger
Slow to understand

Ignorance and prejudice
And fear
Walk hand-in-hand
                    ~”Witch Hunt,” N. Peart, ‘81



Saturday 11/12/11 2:16 P.M.
At home

This is not a rant at how most commercials and sitcoms portray men as stupid oafs who can’t even get out of bed in the morning without a woman telling them how to do it.

Rather, it’s about what it’s sometimes like for VGL guys at mixed sex parties.

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When it comes to sex, I have never thought I was too good for anyone; nor have I ever thought someone was too good for me.  I don’t assume any particular guy is going to be into me, even as the host of the party.  I know what I look like, and I realize that that does not entitle me to anything.  There are lots of good looking gay men who do think that way, but I am not one of them, and those guys usually don’t come to my parties.

I first realized I might be attractive when I was 16 years old.  My older sister had taken my class picture to the salon at which she worked, and the gay men who worked there were fawning over it.  At 21 years old, when I first started going to gay bars, I was surprised at how much attention I was drawing. 

But not all of that attention was good.

The especially desperate bold guys who approached me would often get pissed off if I wouldn’t bite.  Some would actually try to argue their way into getting me to go home with them.  I learned very quickly how to avoid those guys.  If I could tell that someone was positioning himself near me, getting ready to break the ice, I would walk away before he had the chance; I turned down every drink that was bought for me by “that guy at the end of the bar”; and letting a guy down easily became less important than escaping.  It became quite apparent to me that “I only wanted to talk to you” was a load of manipulative bullshit; no man ever wants to “just talk” to someone he’s attracted to, gay or straight. 

VGL men (and women) are not necessarily snobby and standoffish if they’re not engaging with everyone who comes their way.  A regular Joe might get hit on once or twice, but VGLs are hit on from the moment they walk in the door, to the moment they walk out.  Defense mechanisms become as necessary as they are apparent.

And we’re not dicks, either.  We just need to manage our situation before it manages us.

Which brings me back to sex parties.  Parties that screen solely on looks usually end up with guys who aren’t used to making the first move, so there’s a lot of standing around.  I screen more for personality, fit, and whether I think he’ll have a good time here (as well as height/weight proportional), which means I get a lot of men who really love to jump in and “get ‘er done.”  As much as I want these guys, it’s important to realize that some men – particularly the VGLs – want to feel comfortable and not “attacked.”  As a patron of sex parties, it usually takes me a while to get going, which means I do a lot of “cock blocking,” in the meantime.  That doesn’t make me a snob.


Most of my guys are hip to that, but I know that some aren’t.  I hope no one has an attitude with someone just because he doesn’t want to play (at that moment), whoever he is and whoever you are.  Sex parties, unlike bars, are not conducive to proferring explanations, so it’s important to get it and move on.


“But it’s a sex party!”  Nice try.

I want this to be a safe haven for everyone.

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The XTube Party is back, reformatted and slimmed down to °X°Friday, December 2nd, will be the first one.  Look for details in the next email.  It’s basically filming gangbangs.

The last filmed party we had was on 8/8/10 at Perry Street.  I wasn’t happy with how the party went, so I never went through the footage...until the other day.  Some very hot stuff yo, especially the gangbang portions.  I’m giving away a disc of that 8/8 footage at a party/parties to be announced, so you’ll have to come if you want to see it; it won’t be uploaded on XTube. 

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The only Thursday of the year that we don’t have a party is on Thanksgiving, so there’s no orgy here on November 24th.  We will have our 3rd annual New Year’s Eve party on Friday, December 31st.

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When I first heard those lines at the top of this post, almost 30 years ago, I knew how I wanted to live my life.  I haven’t always been successful at it.

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The Örgy Guy