Thursday, January 20, 2011

How to Host (Pt 2: Expenses) – Post #27

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Wednesday 1/19/11 8:02 P.M.
At Home


This is the second part of a series regarding how to host a sex party in your home. 

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AAA batteries
AA batteries
Bags for clothes
Bags for shoes
Beverages
Candles
Condoms
Cups for beverages
Cups for mouthwash
Enemas
Lube
Munchies
Mouthwash
Soap
Toilet paper
Towels – paper towels
Towels – linen bar towels
Windex



This is my shopping list.  All but enemas, bags for shoes, and linen towels are staples.  Not included on the list are miscellaneous expenses, like lava lamps, mirrors, shelves...

...and repairs.  The thing about repairs is they can be very expensive.  You’ve got to buy a whole lot of paper towels to match the cost of repairing a brand new Macbook Pro damaged by a little bit of beer.  The clogged toilet wasn’t exactly cheap, either.  Those two incidents, alone, account for one third of my total expenditures since last March.

Simply, you’ve got to really (really) love hosting sex parties if you’re going to do it, especially in your home.

On average, $31.45 covers 20 guys per party.  That figure also includes the repairs and miscellaneous, so the supermarket/drug store list runs about $20.

So let’s go through the list.

It’s always a good idea to keep batteries on hand.  If you won’t use many, you won’t need to buy ‘em in bulk.  The clothes bags are 13 gallon trash bags.  It’s good to get white ones if you plan to write a number on them.  Get drawstrings.  Bags are very expensive, not to mention long-term environmental hazards.  I now try to re-use each bag, at least until it’s no longer useable.  My expenses have gone down, as well as the size of my actual trash.

Side note regarding recycling: if you include non-recyclables in the recyclable bag, your building will eventually get fined.  

Most guys don’t want to put wet and gross shoes in with their clothes, so I offer shoe bags.  They’re the 4-gallon bags and the cost is negligible; they really only get used when it’s wet outside. I used to serve soda or gallon jugs of Arizona tea.  Now I use drink mix in one of those same gallon jugs. It’s exceedingly less expensive, much more ecofriendly, and a whole lot easier to carry home. Most popular here is ShopRite (brand, not store) lemonade. I also buy three bottles of champagne per year, all for New Year’s Eve.  I typically use four-to-six tealight candles per party.  I suggest you find the white ones; the dyed ones don’t hold a flame.  They’re also called votives and are good lighting for sex, as most of you know.

The GLBT Center offers free condoms at the front desk, and fortunately I live close by. They’re sometimes out, so you should’t run out before getting more.  Pick up at least 50 condees per visit.  You can be discreet, but there’s nothing wrong with filling a small bag. You’re presumably acting as a leading distributor.

Cups: 7oz drinks and 3oz mouthwash, which Gristedes carries.  Enemas run me about a dollar per ...squirt.  They’re the disposable, squeezable kind found at CVS.  CVS brand, in fact.  I’ve tried searching online for bulk, but the price is the same before shipping.  Lube is very expensive.  One ID 70oz “party pump” is about $80.  Fantasy World on 7th Avenue always has it, but it can also be found online for less.  Most of the smaller shops on Christopher Street don’t carry these because of the size.  Of the various kinds of munchies, I’ve settled on pretzels or popcorn (even though popcorn gets stuck in the teeth, it’s also the most popular).  I’m always near the munchies, so I can’t serve candy anymore (I’m over 40) and fruit is crazy-expensive.  Mouthwash should be a no-brainer.  I keep it in a fancy glass pump thingie.  For soap, get large containers of the cheap liquid kind, then use it to refill the Jergen’s.  And get toilet paper with as many squares as you can; if not for cost, then for the frequency of changing it.  I recently bought the wrong kind, so it ran out and some poor soul ended up feeling shitty.

I used paper towels until fairly recently.  They’re very expensive, not ecologically kind, and carrying 16 rolls home is a pain in the ass.  Linen bar towels are much...well they’re not necessarily easier, given they need to be washed after every use, but the cost saving is worth it.  They’re not available in stores like Bed Bath & Beyond; I get mine in the restaurant supply stores on The Bowery (near the Lighting District).

Finally, Windex.  I’ve got like 70 plate mirrors, many of which end up with luby handprints all over ‘em.  Even with that, one bottle lasts me a few months.  Again: negligible.  Get the refills.

Lots and lots of shopping for mundane items.  Are you sure you want to host one of these?

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This is where you’d be putting money back into the economy:
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Next up: Setting up.

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The Örgy Guy

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