Sunday, January 9, 2011

How to Host (Pt 1: Building the List) – Post #26


Sunday 1/9/11 2:02 P.M.
At Home

It's not a place
It's a yearning
It's not a race
It's a journey

It's not an act
It's attraction
It's not a style
It's an action
     --Peart ‘02

Lately, I’ve received requests for advice regarding how to host a sex party.  Keep in mind that my parties are not in a large, rented space and I don’t deal with any staff.  I handle exactly everything.

Which is the way I like it.

For the next few weeks or so, I’ll post some dos and don'ts.



One and done is easy, but a weekly (or biweekly or even monthly) party is a significant challenge.  A first and/or second party will probably draw more guys than your next bunch of parties, due to the novelty of it being a new space.  Once the curiosity wears away, so will the number of attendees.  Until you get settled and your parties gain a following and an identity, there will undoubtedly be some unsatisfied guys, so you’ll need a strong fortitude to get through this period.  As your list grows, so should your attendance numbers...unless the parties and the space just suck, then you’ve got other issues.

I started with about 100 guys on my list, which brought 7 men to my 1st orgy.  That’s 7%, which is actually very good. The following three weekly parties drew 16, 9, and 8, respectively.  My list probably grew to about 200 by that fourth party, which is only 4%. 

Believe it or not, that’s also a relatively high percentage.  Back then, before I even had my first party, I asked an experienced apartment-party host how large his list was.  I’d guessed 300 (!), to which he chuckled and replied, “Try 3,000.”  I was flabbergasted.  A list that large is required to draw 50 people?  For real?

Yes sir.

If you don’t build your list every day, your parties will reflect it.  And low turnouts will happen, especially in your first year; so, as with anything worth doing well, you must persevere.

And give yourself at least a month to recruit before the first party takes place.


In building a list, the easy way is to just add bodies, regardless of type, because you want a lot of guys to show up.  This can actually be counter-productive in getting guys to come (and come back).  Think about the kind of party you want, the types of guys.  Do you want them all to look a certain way?  Act a certain way?  All gym dudes?  All younger or all older?  I look for guys who are very regular, a sample of men you might see in every day life.  I also seek height/weight proportional, mostly due to the narrow hallway and changing area, and more importantly: cool and not high maintenance.  It took many (many) parties for me to achieve, but my orgies are now my favorite of all the parties I’ve been to.  I truly look forward to each one, because I so enjoy the company.  If I didn’t like the guys, hosting three per week, I’d be a pretty unhappy dude.

I’ve found that it’s very important to let guys know, as exactly as you can, what the party is like, the men, the space and such.  Be honest, because the men you want to come are the men who want to be there.  Don’t BS anyone.  It’s much better to have fifteen happy guys than thirty unhappy ones. 

So think about the kinds of guys you want and screen out everyone else. I’ve found that telling a guy who’s RSVPed that he’s not the type I’m looking for can be problematic – they almost always want to engage in a conversation about why.  You’re never going to be able to satisfy them, so my suggestion is to just move on.  It’s actually easier for them, too.


You’re probably wondering where to get the guys.  Good question.  Other than referrals (which are very important), there are two ways: online and at other parties.  Most of the men who reply to an online ad are just curious.  You’ll build your list this way, to be sure, but the most reliable guys are those you meet at other parties.  After all, they’re actually at a party, which is half your battle: they’re serious about attending.  You can also see what they’re like and how they interact with others, which shouldn’t be underestimated.

There’s the notion that handing out cards at someone else’s party is tacky.  I disagree.  Two hosts regularly attend mine and, not only do they bring cards, but I even have a few of their cards which I hand out.  If a guy goes to another party and decides he likes it better than mine, great; I believe in everyone having the best time they possibly can, whether it’s here or somewhere else.  This philosophy, and the way it plays out in the way I host, has been extremely instrumental in building the types of regulars I have here, as well as the type of orgy overall. 

As far as where to do your online recruiting, I’ll let you figure that out for yourself.  I use two primary sites, which allow the posting of ads.  I’ve also used Craig’s List, but I don’t suggest it - too many flakes and undesirables. 

I suppose you can try bars, which I’ve never done (I’m a recovering alcoholic), but my gutt tells me that it’s not a good way to go.  If the card gets dropped, you don’t know who’s going to pick it up.  Also, you’d have to hand out a lot of cards to make it a worthwhile effort, and even the chattiest of hosts will not be able to introduce himself to that many men.


I doubt that there’s any other host who keeps track of info the way I do, but I find that it’s good for a lot of things, one of which is to know where to commit my time and effort.  It’s one thing to realize over time that one site produces better results than another, but having the data helps to determine that much more quickly.  It’s also good to know what guys are into, so they can potentially be matched up when they’re here.  My list also includes, if possible, comments about the guy (very helpful), the date of the latest email sent to him, the date he joined, name, source, age (many approximated), race, position (bottom/top/vers/oral), bareback or safe, screen name, phone, date and times in/out of all parties he attended, as well as whether he’s into group sex, B&D, bears, chubs, cowboys, daddies, exhibition, feet, fistfucking, gang bangs, glory holes, jocks, leather, men of color, piercings, rimming, role playing, S&M, tattoos, toys, uniforms, vacuum pumping, voyeurism, or water sports.

One final piece of advice regarding your list: do not be afraid to voluntarily remove someone from it.  There are people out there who are just nuts, or who might be dangerous to you in some way.  Use your gutt and your experience, and make the number of guys less important than the types of guys, both on your list and in your home.


Next up: What you’ll need for your first party, including supplies and how much you might spend.


Over the last year or so, I went from having various sorts of concept parties to having basically two.  Concept parties are good in small doses.  This month, we’ll have two SIR parties, which were successful last summer.  This one is for younger guys who are into older guys (like me...DOH!).  The first is Sunday 1/9 and the next is Sunday 1/23.

The Örgy Guy

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