Thursday, January 20, 2011

How to Host (Pt 2: Expenses) – Post #27

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Wednesday 1/19/11 8:02 P.M.
At Home


This is the second part of a series regarding how to host a sex party in your home. 

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AAA batteries
AA batteries
Bags for clothes
Bags for shoes
Beverages
Candles
Condoms
Cups for beverages
Cups for mouthwash
Enemas
Lube
Munchies
Mouthwash
Soap
Toilet paper
Towels – paper towels
Towels – linen bar towels
Windex



This is my shopping list.  All but enemas, bags for shoes, and linen towels are staples.  Not included on the list are miscellaneous expenses, like lava lamps, mirrors, shelves...

...and repairs.  The thing about repairs is they can be very expensive.  You’ve got to buy a whole lot of paper towels to match the cost of repairing a brand new Macbook Pro damaged by a little bit of beer.  The clogged toilet wasn’t exactly cheap, either.  Those two incidents, alone, account for one third of my total expenditures since last March.

Simply, you’ve got to really (really) love hosting sex parties if you’re going to do it, especially in your home.

On average, $31.45 covers 20 guys per party.  That figure also includes the repairs and miscellaneous, so the supermarket/drug store list runs about $20.

So let’s go through the list.

It’s always a good idea to keep batteries on hand.  If you won’t use many, you won’t need to buy ‘em in bulk.  The clothes bags are 13 gallon trash bags.  It’s good to get white ones if you plan to write a number on them.  Get drawstrings.  Bags are very expensive, not to mention long-term environmental hazards.  I now try to re-use each bag, at least until it’s no longer useable.  My expenses have gone down, as well as the size of my actual trash.

Side note regarding recycling: if you include non-recyclables in the recyclable bag, your building will eventually get fined.  

Most guys don’t want to put wet and gross shoes in with their clothes, so I offer shoe bags.  They’re the 4-gallon bags and the cost is negligible; they really only get used when it’s wet outside. I used to serve soda or gallon jugs of Arizona tea.  Now I use drink mix in one of those same gallon jugs. It’s exceedingly less expensive, much more ecofriendly, and a whole lot easier to carry home. Most popular here is ShopRite (brand, not store) lemonade. I also buy three bottles of champagne per year, all for New Year’s Eve.  I typically use four-to-six tealight candles per party.  I suggest you find the white ones; the dyed ones don’t hold a flame.  They’re also called votives and are good lighting for sex, as most of you know.

The GLBT Center offers free condoms at the front desk, and fortunately I live close by. They’re sometimes out, so you should’t run out before getting more.  Pick up at least 50 condees per visit.  You can be discreet, but there’s nothing wrong with filling a small bag. You’re presumably acting as a leading distributor.

Cups: 7oz drinks and 3oz mouthwash, which Gristedes carries.  Enemas run me about a dollar per ...squirt.  They’re the disposable, squeezable kind found at CVS.  CVS brand, in fact.  I’ve tried searching online for bulk, but the price is the same before shipping.  Lube is very expensive.  One ID 70oz “party pump” is about $80.  Fantasy World on 7th Avenue always has it, but it can also be found online for less.  Most of the smaller shops on Christopher Street don’t carry these because of the size.  Of the various kinds of munchies, I’ve settled on pretzels or popcorn (even though popcorn gets stuck in the teeth, it’s also the most popular).  I’m always near the munchies, so I can’t serve candy anymore (I’m over 40) and fruit is crazy-expensive.  Mouthwash should be a no-brainer.  I keep it in a fancy glass pump thingie.  For soap, get large containers of the cheap liquid kind, then use it to refill the Jergen’s.  And get toilet paper with as many squares as you can; if not for cost, then for the frequency of changing it.  I recently bought the wrong kind, so it ran out and some poor soul ended up feeling shitty.

I used paper towels until fairly recently.  They’re very expensive, not ecologically kind, and carrying 16 rolls home is a pain in the ass.  Linen bar towels are much...well they’re not necessarily easier, given they need to be washed after every use, but the cost saving is worth it.  They’re not available in stores like Bed Bath & Beyond; I get mine in the restaurant supply stores on The Bowery (near the Lighting District).

Finally, Windex.  I’ve got like 70 plate mirrors, many of which end up with luby handprints all over ‘em.  Even with that, one bottle lasts me a few months.  Again: negligible.  Get the refills.

Lots and lots of shopping for mundane items.  Are you sure you want to host one of these?

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This is where you’d be putting money back into the economy:
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Next up: Setting up.

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The Örgy Guy

Sunday, January 9, 2011

How to Host (Pt 1: Building the List) – Post #26

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Sunday 1/9/11 2:02 P.M.
At Home

It's not a place
It's a yearning
It's not a race
It's a journey

It's not an act
It's attraction
It's not a style
It's an action
     --Peart ‘02



Lately, I’ve received requests for advice regarding how to host a sex party.  Keep in mind that my parties are not in a large, rented space and I don’t deal with any staff.  I handle exactly everything.

Which is the way I like it.

For the next few weeks or so, I’ll post some dos and don'ts.

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PERSEVERE

One and done is easy, but a weekly (or biweekly or even monthly) party is a significant challenge.  A first and/or second party will probably draw more guys than your next bunch of parties, due to the novelty of it being a new space.  Once the curiosity wears away, so will the number of attendees.  Until you get settled and your parties gain a following and an identity, there will undoubtedly be some unsatisfied guys, so you’ll need a strong fortitude to get through this period.  As your list grows, so should your attendance numbers...unless the parties and the space just suck, then you’ve got other issues.

I started with about 100 guys on my list, which brought 7 men to my 1st orgy.  That’s 7%, which is actually very good. The following three weekly parties drew 16, 9, and 8, respectively.  My list probably grew to about 200 by that fourth party, which is only 4%. 

Believe it or not, that’s also a relatively high percentage.  Back then, before I even had my first party, I asked an experienced apartment-party host how large his list was.  I’d guessed 300 (!), to which he chuckled and replied, “Try 3,000.”  I was flabbergasted.  A list that large is required to draw 50 people?  For real?

Yes sir.

If you don’t build your list every day, your parties will reflect it.  And low turnouts will happen, especially in your first year; so, as with anything worth doing well, you must persevere.

And give yourself at least a month to recruit before the first party takes place.


THINK

In building a list, the easy way is to just add bodies, regardless of type, because you want a lot of guys to show up.  This can actually be counter-productive in getting guys to come (and come back).  Think about the kind of party you want, the types of guys.  Do you want them all to look a certain way?  Act a certain way?  All gym dudes?  All younger or all older?  I look for guys who are very regular, a sample of men you might see in every day life.  I also seek height/weight proportional, mostly due to the narrow hallway and changing area, and more importantly: cool and not high maintenance.  It took many (many) parties for me to achieve, but my orgies are now my favorite of all the parties I’ve been to.  I truly look forward to each one, because I so enjoy the company.  If I didn’t like the guys, hosting three per week, I’d be a pretty unhappy dude.

I’ve found that it’s very important to let guys know, as exactly as you can, what the party is like, the men, the space and such.  Be honest, because the men you want to come are the men who want to be there.  Don’t BS anyone.  It’s much better to have fifteen happy guys than thirty unhappy ones. 

So think about the kinds of guys you want and screen out everyone else. I’ve found that telling a guy who’s RSVPed that he’s not the type I’m looking for can be problematic – they almost always want to engage in a conversation about why.  You’re never going to be able to satisfy them, so my suggestion is to just move on.  It’s actually easier for them, too.

WHERE

You’re probably wondering where to get the guys.  Good question.  Other than referrals (which are very important), there are two ways: online and at other parties.  Most of the men who reply to an online ad are just curious.  You’ll build your list this way, to be sure, but the most reliable guys are those you meet at other parties.  After all, they’re actually at a party, which is half your battle: they’re serious about attending.  You can also see what they’re like and how they interact with others, which shouldn’t be underestimated.

There’s the notion that handing out cards at someone else’s party is tacky.  I disagree.  Two hosts regularly attend mine and, not only do they bring cards, but I even have a few of their cards which I hand out.  If a guy goes to another party and decides he likes it better than mine, great; I believe in everyone having the best time they possibly can, whether it’s here or somewhere else.  This philosophy, and the way it plays out in the way I host, has been extremely instrumental in building the types of regulars I have here, as well as the type of orgy overall. 

As far as where to do your online recruiting, I’ll let you figure that out for yourself.  I use two primary sites, which allow the posting of ads.  I’ve also used Craig’s List, but I don’t suggest it - too many flakes and undesirables. 

I suppose you can try bars, which I’ve never done (I’m a recovering alcoholic), but my gutt tells me that it’s not a good way to go.  If the card gets dropped, you don’t know who’s going to pick it up.  Also, you’d have to hand out a lot of cards to make it a worthwhile effort, and even the chattiest of hosts will not be able to introduce himself to that many men.

ORGANIZATION

I doubt that there’s any other host who keeps track of info the way I do, but I find that it’s good for a lot of things, one of which is to know where to commit my time and effort.  It’s one thing to realize over time that one site produces better results than another, but having the data helps to determine that much more quickly.  It’s also good to know what guys are into, so they can potentially be matched up when they’re here.  My list also includes, if possible, comments about the guy (very helpful), the date of the latest email sent to him, the date he joined, name, source, age (many approximated), race, position (bottom/top/vers/oral), bareback or safe, screen name, phone, date and times in/out of all parties he attended, as well as whether he’s into group sex, B&D, bears, chubs, cowboys, daddies, exhibition, feet, fistfucking, gang bangs, glory holes, jocks, leather, men of color, piercings, rimming, role playing, S&M, tattoos, toys, uniforms, vacuum pumping, voyeurism, or water sports.


One final piece of advice regarding your list: do not be afraid to voluntarily remove someone from it.  There are people out there who are just nuts, or who might be dangerous to you in some way.  Use your gutt and your experience, and make the number of guys less important than the types of guys, both on your list and in your home.


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Next up: What you’ll need for your first party, including supplies and how much you might spend.

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Over the last year or so, I went from having various sorts of concept parties to having basically two.  Concept parties are good in small doses.  This month, we’ll have two SIR parties, which were successful last summer.  This one is for younger guys who are into older guys (like me...DOH!).  The first is Sunday 1/9 and the next is Sunday 1/23.


The Örgy Guy