Thursday, August 5, 2010

On Pride and Inspiration – Post #6 6/29/10


It’s Gay Pride and I’m eating dinner in the village. You know the Riviera Restaurant? The tourist trap on the NW corner of W4th and 7th Avenue?

Don’t go there.

But I am enjoying the view. It’s 8:35 on the evening of Gay Pride. Was it always this trashy? I can hear you drolly saying, “Yeeeees.”

I came to my first parade in 1991. I also marched in my first parade in 1991. At the front, right behind Phil Donohue and Marlo Thomas. I was 22 years old and, for the very first time, I felt so...arrived. The bass and the music, the beautiful people. The color. “I’m OK.” I remember the moment of silence for AIDS victims: lying on the street, on my back, directly in front of St. Patrick’s Cathedral. During that minute, I kept my eyes fixed on the sky and tried to make time stand still. I recall thinking, I‘ll remember this moment forever and, one day, I’ll want to come back to it.

Yeah right. I’m helluh sexier now and supremely happy. And I don’t spend too much time looking for fun; I try to enjoy the minute I’m currently in.

Like last night at the Saturday ERUPTION party. Holy crap. It was a sex crucible. At one point, while watching Bob get fucked in the sling, I looked around at the men and the scene, and took a mental snapshot. It was precisely the party I look for every night.

“Sex crucible.” Note to self: use that.

The right guys, on the right night. Great vibes, great electricity. Most had the right kind of head: enjoying the very minute. The young guys, too; they were more sophisticated. It’s a lot more fun to be fun.

Last Friday night, Treasure Island shot a porn scene at the space. Really, really cool. I’m around sex so much that I wasn’t focused on the dudes fucking, as much as absorbing the whole picture. The crew were as kind and comfortable as they were professional. The talent (the dudes fucking) were so unassuming and unpretentious, the types of guys who come to TCH parties.

For the last several months, I’ve been contemplating how far I intend to go with producing porn. You may have already seen some of my stuff on Xtube. Observing the Treasure Island shoot may inspire me to pursue it further.

Whatever I do, it’ll be genuine, but hopefully it will be something of which I’ll be proud. I’m not sure just being gay makes me proud, as it’s not a skill nor an achievement; it’s about what I choose to do with that aspect of my character which determines how proud I am. And where I take it.

If I actually could go back in time to that moment on 5th Avenue, it wouldn’t be to go back to that point in my life, but to whisper this in my 22-year-old ear.

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