Thursday, August 5, 2010

On Monogamy – Post #11


Saturday 7/24/10 11:50 P.M.

Post Rush Concert - The Train Ride Home to Manhattan

On a road lit only by fire

Going where I want, instead of where I should

I peer out at the passing shadows

Carried through the night into the city

Where a young man has a chance of making good

A chance to break from the past

The caravan thunders onward

Stars winking through the canvas hood

On my way at last --Neil Peart ‘10


In relationships, as in life...

Nah. Too high school essay and way too serious

Did you hear the one about the boyfriend and his ass chastity belt?

But a little more serious than that!

OK. There was a time when monogamy was so important to me that I would drink myself to sleep on any of the nights I didn’t spend with my then-boyfriend, because I was afraid he could be, at that very moment, fucking another guy.

There ya go.

And talk about control issues.

There were eighteen years between Nixon and me (that was his name, and he has since died of cancer). He was 49 and I was 31. Very different places in our lives. He didn’t think monogamy was that big a deal, while I probably thought it was the most important part of a relationship.

These days, as a single guy, I’m much more on board with where Nixon was. Is a relationship something to get sentenced to? Why would I want to keep someone I love from that kind of enjoyment? But maybe the most important question, why add more hurdles to an already precarious situation that is being in a relationship? Issues are not like car mileage, to be recorded and measured and collected.

They are like potholes. To be avoided.

It’s a lot more fun to have group sex with your boyfriend than to pass out drunk and scared when he’s not around. I’ve seen lots of couples at sex parties – certainly at mine. I can’t ascertain how good a relationship is, but they do seem more sophisticated and secure to me. They participate together, they participate apart, then they check on each other.

There are also guys who are there on the down-low, with the boyfriend out of town. My guess is they don’t have an open relationship. But, to the unsuspecting boyfriends out there, you should know that they never fall in love and I’ve never heard one say, “The sex is better than with my boyfriend.”

It really is just sex.

By no means am I generally advocating that open relationships are the way to go; if both are happy with monogamy, it makes sense to stick with what works. But if it’s not working, you might want to give up, give in, and give it a try.

With rules, of course.

If I’d have known this back then, I could have saved a lot of tears, a lot of beer money, and, perhaps, even our relationship.

I miss you sweetie.


If you don’t know what the HOOK party is, check out the “Parties and Ideas” tab. We’re going to have the first one on Tuesday, 8/3.

Guys often ask me if I could forward their email address to someone they played with at a party. If they don’t ask or if I don’t know who they’re talking about, they have no choice but to hope to see the guy at another party. With HOOK, you’ll be able to anonymously exchange email contact information with only the guys you’re into and who are also into you.

I’m really excited about it. I hope you’ll join us.


TCH is now on Twitter, where you can check on updates during parties. I’ll post what’s going on. In order to follow me, you’ll need to request access, on Twitter. You’ll also first need to be on my email list. My screen name there is @TheOrgyGuy.